Yes, my white friends, your lives matter to me too.

I’ve felt prompted to write about the current events. I hope my words will help soften some hearts, and I pray my vulnerability here is respected.

I grew up in a pretty diverse community. In fact, my city Stockton, CA, was recently named the most diverse city in the United States (see here). That being said, moving away from home and coming to attend a university that is 81% caucasian, 6% hispanic, 4% two or more races, and just about 9% of everything else (BYU demographics), has been quite the adjustment.

I never realized how uncomfortable some people are when it comes to conversations about race or ethnicity. Some people may have read the list of BYU’s demographics and are already feeling uneasy. I’ve realized many white people feel uncomfortable talking about race, especially around a person of color, because they are afraid of being villainized. 

Back in Fall 2019, Dr. Henry Louis Gates Jr., the famous historian, filmmaker, and professor at Harvard came and spoke at my campus. I stayed afterwards for the Q&A, and Dr. Gates said something I think is very important for white people to hear,

 “Guilt is not inherited.”

Ah, can you hear that? Guilt is not passed down from generation to generation. In my faith, we have a belief that, “men should be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.” I like to look at that more broadly, and it means that you are not responsible for the sins of your ancestors. Every person should be judged individually. You don’t need to carry the guilt of your ancestors' actions if your ancestors, or even your parents, are racists. I hope you can relax now. 

Now, while guilt is not inherited, trauma unfortunately is (read Mark Wolynn’s book), and I hope that gives you some perspective.

My grandfather’s grandfather, Charley Holiday, was murdered on his front porch by a white man. Five bullet holes in his head, chest and scrotum. His wife and children were home. No one was asked to testify against his murderer in court. The man went free with the statement that he acted in “self-defense”.

We tell stories like these, and some may say, “Well, that was then. Racism doesn’t exist anymore.” Racism exists. The belief that people with dark skin are inferior to those with light colored skin is still prevalent and deeply woven into the fabric of our society. I know this, because I even grew up hating my own blackness.

When I was younger, even though I grew up around other black people, I hated being black. I saw how African-Americans were treated and I did not want any part of that. I heard misguided church members say that dark skin was a curse, and that black people were less valiant spirits in the premortal life and that’s why they were black, and I did not want to be viewed as less than anyone else. 

The only thing about puberty that concerned me was how big my nose would get. I pinched my nose in my room everyday because I was afraid of having large, African-American looking nostrils.

I hated how puffy my hair was, and I wasn’t allowed to straighten it. One day, I took a pair of scissors to my hair and cut a big chunk right off the top so that my hair would look flatter. 

I loved competitive swimming, but I almost quit one year because I hated how dark I got from spending all that time outside. 

When I was 12 we went out to Utah to visit my sister after she gave birth to her first child, and I wrote in my journal about my experience. I loved BYU and the spirit I felt on the campus, but I hated the stares my family got when we went to the grocery store. I wrote that I wished I was whiter. I prayed, on my knees, for white skin.

I once had a guy tell me, “Taylor, you are so great, but I would never date a black girl. I would date any race, but I don’t know, I could never date a black girl”. My first thought was, “why is he telling me this, I wasn’t interested in him anyways.” Then, I thought how strange it was that he was telling me because I am so light-skinned most people’s first guess is that I’m hispanic. So, I knew it didn’t have to do with how I looked, it had to do with the fact he knew that African blood ran through my veins and that simple fact was enough for him to say he’d never date me. 

I’ve had a number of other personal experiences that have taught me that still today, even though Martin marched, some people believe that black people are less than white people, but now, I love how my skin changes colors with the seasons. I can’t imagine myself with straight hair, and I love when my nostrils flare because it means I’m smiling. Now, I’ve learned that being black does not make me less than my white friends, but it has taken time for me to unlearn a lot of that self hate. I imagine it will take time for others to unlearn some of the false traditions they were taught growing up.

To my white friends, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable when I talk about race. You are my friend because I know you love and support me, and I want to do the same for you. Please understand that these current protests and the fight for justice are not against you, and most of you seem to understand that. God bless you. 

The #BlackLivesMatter movement is not just because of the deaths of George Floyd, or Ahmaud Arbery or Breonna Taylor. I do not know a black person in this country that has not been profiled as being inherently violent, threatening, less intelligent or even lacking in potential. That is why people are afraid and angry and tired and protesting. 

You may not be part of the problem, but you can help fix it. We want all lives to be valued equally, and since black lives have not been, that is why people are shouting and trying to remind others that black lives are just as valuable. 

I hope that you don’t look at some of the poor decisions upset protesters have made this week as a way to completely dismiss this movement. Please understand that the majority of those who have gone out and protested have done so peacefully, and others have become angry with the lack of progress that has come from the previous peaceful protests and have acted on that anger seeking change. Others I’m sure, have just capitalized on the movement and just joined in on the vandalism for the heck of it. Personally, I refuse to participate in any violence because I refuse to play into the narrative that our country has created around black people.

Just because you see the chaos that is happening in the news, please don’t use it as an excuse to ignore these issues any longer. YOU can be part of the change. YOU can help others feel loved and recognize that we are all human beings that deserve it. 

What can you do to help? 

You need to break your silence. 

“If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” -Desmond Tutu

This doesn’t mean you have to post on social media about it. Some people never post anything on social media, and that’s okay. If you are not someone who posts, then reach out to your friends personally. Let them know you are there for them.

People are scared. Tensions are high. The scariest part for many is not what happened to George Floyd, because unfortunately these things happen all too often. The scariest part is living around people that may or may not have believed it was okay. 

When you are in a predominantly white space, don’t let comments slide that send a negative message about people of color. To my LDS friends, don’t let people in Sunday school teach about how people of color are cursed. It’s false doctrine. The prophets and leaders have made that clear. Make sure your children know, and check if you need to clear up anything that was incorrectly taught in a primary class.

It hurts when people think that this is just a ploy of the liberal media. I don’t want to feel like a political statement when I walk outside in Utah as a person of color with a face mask on. I wear a mask when I shop because my mom was in the hospital for a month and almost died from H1N1 when that was circulating. I am not worried for my own health, but I want others who are fearful to feel safe around me in public.

You may not be worried for your own safety right now, but at least speak up so your black friends know they can feel safe around you.

You don’t have to condone the violence, but please don’t dismiss the racism and inequality that persists in this nation. It is affecting real people, and it has been for a very long time. 

It's not blue vs black or black vs white. It's humanity against injustice. So please, stand up.

Below I’ve attached a link to a paper that outlines some aspects of systematic racism.

https://www.annualreviews.org/doi/abs/10.1146/annurev-soc-071811-145508